The Great White North Shark II

And Other Things I’ve learned As a Bachelor -Part 42

GREAT WHITE NORTH SHARK

 

I caught a Lemon Shark once. I put it in my salt water pool and added a generous amount of tequila. It died.

Who knew?

Where’s a Nurse Shark when you need one.

•••

If you ever have to fight a shark don’t invite it to a cage match.

They cheat!

shark and key

•••

A Tiger Shark has no sense of fashion.

•••

Hammerheads have been known to drink too much. …Fish!

•••

I know, undeniably, that sharks do not live in the Great Lakes.

That, however, does not prevent me from peeing myself every time a piece of seaweed

touches my leg.

•••

Just like two guys with the same name may not get along, neither will Bull Sharks and Bulldogs. “Sorry Angus! Who knew?!

pegleg pugpegleg pug

 

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Things Well Said: Mitch Teemly

Originally posted on Mitch Teemley: “Friends say to me a lot, ‘Monogamy is not natural.’ And I always, say, ‘Well, neither are toilets, but when you don’t use them, things get very messy.’” ~Andrew Gurland (creator of the TV series Married) My wife and I are known for having a strong marriage. And it’s true,…

via Monogamy Is Not Natural! — Mitch Teemley

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Rise Up!

$_35

There is no Death. Although you may die.

Freedom is won.

But don’t take no lives.

Rise Up. Rise up!

This too shall pass.

And you shall inherit, “at last, at last!”

Too sting and fly,

And solidly stand,

Your’ women are prophets

Listen. Transcend.

EverLast.

 

 

 

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The Great White North Shark

And Other Things I’ve learned As a Bachelor -Part 66

GREAT WHITE NORTH SHARK

 

 

I pet a shark once. It smiled at me and swam away. I believe we are off to a good start!

•••

A fight with a Blue Shark can sometimes be averted if you simply ask, “How are you feeling?”

•••

Sharks do not mistake people for seals when they attack. They know who we are bio-chemically and electrically. They just don’t give a sh!t.

•••

Dolphins don’t attack sharks in the presence of humans to help us out. They attack sharks because sharks are d!cks!

 

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Things I’ve Learned as a Bachelor -Lesson 14

bachelor

Irons. They’re stupid. In a pinch, hang clothes on shower curtain bar. Turn shower on hot. Spend 10 minutes looking for tv remote -psst- it’s in the fridge. Go back to bathroom. Viola!  Clothes are near mint!

•••

Secret Ingredients for Bachelors: Mushroom soup makes everything taste better. Splash of pickle, minced olives lend an epicurean feel to chow. Also, butter.

•••

Invest in a good shower curtain. I have a ‘rapey’ one. Whenever I jump in it becomes all ‘touchy-feely’, all huggy. It’s gross.

•••

Invariably, if I have a big date, or a job interview, it is only after jumping out of the shower that I really have to poop.

 

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Things I’ve Learned As A Bachelor -Lesson 23

soup can

On Soup

Tomato soup can save your life. Your life, not mine. I hate the stuff.

•••

I believe that tomato soup may have procreative abilities behind closed cupboard doors.

Whenever I go rummaging I always seem to have way more of them than before.

I have a sneaking suspicion that they are devouring my mushroom soup under cover of dark.

•••

Bachelor Advice: The product below is neither suitable for low fat diets, nor for anyone really.

Rating: 1 star for sustenance.

creamed possum

 

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He Is one of the Greatest

Here’s to my hero

Cassius Ali.

Muhammad-Ali-12

Enough of this body!

Today  is now free.

Speed that transcended

Both butterfly and bee.

And now, for an encore

Ultimate synchronicity.

Where Word, spirit, mind and body mesh.

 

 

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